22-year-old struggles financially when parents won't help her out in final year of college, protests when she finds out her brother is getting $500 monthly: 'My parents told me to figure it out'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 1, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Is it right for parents to help out one of their kids if they can't do it for another?

One of the trickiest things about being the parent of more than one child is giving them treatment that is just about equal. The ups and downs of the various life stages mean that it is inevitable that some are going to get more attention than others at times, and then it may be that one kid simply has an easier time getting on with a parent than another one does. The balance is always changing.

Of course, there are plenty of families where choosing a favorite is not seen as an issue and, in fact, ends up being encouraged to the detriment of the less-appreciated child. While there is a debate to be had about how acceptable it may be for a parent to like one of their kids more than the other, there is no denying that it can be damaging when they make no effort to hide that fact. When they start with the preferential treatment, it is inevitable that the neglected siblings will start to feel some resentment. It doesn't bode well for the future of the family relationship.

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  • A close-up of a young woman wearing glasses squinting as she sits outside
    via MD Duran

    A close-up of a young woman wearing glasses squinting as she sits outside

  • A woman who had recently graduated from college took issue with her parents over the different ways they approached helping out her and her younger brother financially. Her mom and dad refused to give her any money in either her final year of college or her first year of work, when she faced some unexpected expenses. She ended up having to borrow some.

    However, she knew that her brother had been getting $500 a month from them because they were worried that his summer job was not paying them enough. When she denounced this as unfair, her mom and dad got offended, leaving her wondering if she was the one in the wrong in this situation.

  • My parents have been giving my brother a $500 allowance

    1 (22F) graduated from university last spring. During my final year, I had some money troubles. I normally made enough money during summer internships to last me the school year, but I ran into some unexpected expenses. I asked my parents for financial help, but they were both at
    via BadDolphin555
  • transitional points in their careers and weren't able to support me. I ended up needing to take out some student loans while working a part-time job to get me through the end of my degree. I also had a close friend pass away suddenly during my last semester, so all of this was a lot to juggle.
    via BadDolphin555
  • Fast forward six months and I had just concluded my summer contract in August with no new prospects on the horizon. My field has a lot of seasonal work, mostly during the summers, I had applied for El but having just graduated I was 10h short of the minimum requirements. I had just moved into an apartment on a one-
    via BadDolphin555
  • year lease with my girlfriend and I had limited accessible savings plus some money up in mutual funds. In October, I realized I wouldn't be able to afford rent for November. Again I asked my parents for help and was told to figure it out myself or move home. I ended up borrowing some money for my grandma, and found work in the beginning of November.
    via BadDolphin555
  • I understand that my parents are by no means required to support me financially and all of this would be very understandable and fine EXCEPT
    via BadDolphin555
  • In October, I was on an (already paid for) trip to see my brother (20M) who is in his third year of university. While I was able to find well-paying summer jobs throughout my degree, he has been spending his summers working in a small restaurant and had a generally lower summer income. While visiting, it came up that my parents were sending him $500/month to help him with rent/groceries etc.
    via BadDolphin555
  • When I asked for help in November and my parents told me to "figure it out," I brought up that they had been giving my brother money and pointed out the double standard. They told me it was because he had been working so hard at his full time job while he was able to and needed the additional
    via BadDolphin555
  • support through the school year when he couldn't work. It felt like they were implying I did not have to work hard, which is entirely untrue. When I brought up needing to take out student loans and working a part time job, they brushed me off and told me the situations were different. At one point I had a phone call with my
    via BadDolphin555
  • mother about it, but it blew up into a big fight and now she is refusing to talk about it without a counsellor present.
    via BadDolphin555
  • I understand wanting to support us while we're in school and then trusting us to support ourselves after graduation. I also understand why they were unable to support me due to their own financial situation while I was in school. That being said, I don't think it makes sense that they can be so
    via BadDolphin555
  • generous where my brother is concerned without acknowledging the difficult situation I was put in. They are so insistent that the situations are different and he needs the help more that it's making me feel crazy.
    via BadDolphin555
  • I'm honestly struggling to see things from their perspective. I don't even care about the money, I'm financially stable now, I just feel so unsupported knowing that they are able to be there for my brother but even when they can afford it they're still unwilling to help me. AIO?
    via BadDolphin555
  • A close-up of a young woman wearing glasses, sitting outside and sticking her tongue out slightly
    via MD Duran

    A close-up of a young woman wearing glasses, sitting outside and sticking her tongue out slightly

  • aldentealdente Let it go for now but remember it when they expect the daughter's care and labor when they're elderly. And yes, it's mostly the daughters that carry and assume the burden. Remember it then.
    via aldentealdente
  • phyncke Is your brother the golden child? That is one explanation
    via phyncke
  • ProfCatWhisperer I hate to say it, that your parents have a favorite and it's your brother. I say this from a place of empathy, because my sister has always been the favorite too. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this because being the least favorite s ks. What has worked for me is a lot of therapy and putting some distance in between myself and my family.
    via ProfCatWhisperer
  • pineboxwaiting I would 100% take your mom up on talking about it with a counselor. She apparently needs a 3rd party with a string of letters after their name to tell her she's treating you badly.
    via pineboxwaiting
  • Useless890 NOR. Occasionally helping out is one thing, but your parents are sending him a regular income, and a big one. Anyone would be hurt at the inequity. I hope you do well and can get a good job after school.
    via Useless890
  • aub8202 NOR Yeah this would make me cut off contact with my parents at least for a little
    via aub8202

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favoritism parenting money college student
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